I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
