a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
