hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
