Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
