Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My ass is underappreciated
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
