We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
