we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize