im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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