Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
