your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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