I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
