puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
dude. I can hear the air.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
