using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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