ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we made out on top of his cat.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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