Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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