It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
