I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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