she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
