I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
