My balls are so social today.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
