We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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