You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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