Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fuck appropriateness.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
