My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He kissed a someone with a penis
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
