do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
