alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
