you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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