i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
