You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
