his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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