Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
