fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
