OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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