Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
