the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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