Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
