if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
