loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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