I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
