how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
