you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
