Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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