your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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