I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You can't just leave with hair like that
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
