can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
