woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
