she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
