i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
