I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
