OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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