just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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