I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
