Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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