I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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